The Ben Esch Website

But he has been kind enough to tell us how he does it.  Well, I guess he isn't telling "us" so much as the dudes who wrote on a show of his called The Unit, and I guess he isn't telling so much as writing a super long email with CAPS LOCK on for some reason, but there is still some writing gold in there. 

I've read through this a couple times, and I'm still not exactly sure what it's all about, but I know that there is some wisdom in there.  David Mamet is one of the best writers out there, and I will listen to any advice that the guy who wrote State and Main has to offer. 

Okay, I'm about to post his advice, but if you need a little extra motivation to read this, I want you to give this video a look.  This a scene that Mamet wrote from Glengarry Glen Ross, and I guarantee-goddamn-tee that it will knock your socks off. 

Warning:  There is a whole lot of cussing and Jack Lemmon getting verbally abused in the video, so please, keep sensitive ears away from this.  Unless you want to expose those sensitive ears to some first rate Mamet action.  I mean, your kids are gonna get exposed to cussing eventually, right?  Why not have it start with David Mamet? 

“TO THE WRITERS OF THE UNIT

GREETINGS.

AS WE LEARN HOW TO WRITE THIS SHOW, A RECURRING PROBLEM BECOMES CLEAR.

THE PROBLEM IS THIS: TO DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN DRAMA AND NON-DRAMA. LET ME BREAK-IT-DOWN-NOW.

EVERYONE IN CREATION IS SCREAMING AT US TO MAKE THE SHOW CLEAR. WE ARE TASKED WITH, IT SEEMS, CRAMMING A SHITLOAD OF INFORMATION INTO A LITTLE BIT OF TIME.

OUR FRIENDS. THE PENGUINS, THINK THAT WE, THEREFORE, ARE EMPLOYED TO COMMUNICATE INFORMATION — AND, SO, AT TIMES, IT SEEMS TO US.

BUT NOTE:THE AUDIENCE WILL NOT TUNE IN TO WATCH INFORMATION. YOU WOULDN’T, I WOULDN’T. NO ONE WOULD OR WILL. THE AUDIENCE WILL ONLY TUNE IN AND STAY TUNED TO WATCH DRAMA.

QUESTION:WHAT IS DRAMA? DRAMA, AGAIN, IS THE QUEST OF THE HERO TO OVERCOME THOSE THINGS WHICH PREVENT HIM FROM ACHIEVING A SPECIFIC, ACUTE GOAL.

SO: WE, THE WRITERS, MUST ASK OURSELVES OF EVERY SCENE THESE THREE QUESTIONS.

1) WHO WANTS WHAT?
2) WHAT HAPPENS IF HER DON’T GET IT?
3) WHY NOW?

THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS ARE LITMUS PAPER. APPLY THEM, AND THEIR ANSWER WILL TELL YOU IF THE SCENE IS DRAMATIC OR NOT.

IF THE SCENE IS NOT DRAMATICALLY WRITTEN, IT WILL NOT BE DRAMATICALLY ACTED.

THERE IS NO MAGIC FAIRY DUST WHICH WILL MAKE A BORING, USELESS, REDUNDANT, OR MERELY INFORMATIVE SCENE AFTER IT LEAVES YOUR TYPEWRITER. YOU THE WRITERS, ARE IN CHARGE OF MAKING SURE EVERY SCENE IS DRAMATIC.

THIS MEANS ALL THE “LITTLE” EXPOSITIONAL SCENES OF TWO PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT A THIRD. THIS BUSHWAH (AND WE ALL TEND TO WRITE IT ON THE FIRST DRAFT) IS LESS THAN USELESS, SHOULD IT FINALLY, GOD FORBID, GET FILMED.

IF THE SCENE BORES YOU WHEN YOU READ IT, REST ASSURED IT WILL BORE THE ACTORS, AND WILL, THEN, BORE THE AUDIENCE, AND WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE BACK IN THE BREADLINE.

SOMEONE HAS TO MAKE THE SCENE DRAMATIC. IT IS NOT THE ACTORS JOB (THE ACTORS JOB IS TO BE TRUTHFUL). IT IS NOT THE DIRECTORS JOB. HIS OR HER JOB IS TO FILM IT STRAIGHTFORWARDLY AND REMIND THE ACTORS TO TALK FAST. IT IS YOUR JOB.

EVERY SCENE MUST BE DRAMATIC. THAT MEANS: THE MAIN CHARACTER MUST HAVE A SIMPLE, STRAIGHTFORWARD, PRESSING NEED WHICH IMPELS HIM OR HER TO SHOW UP IN THE SCENE.

THIS NEED IS WHY THEY CAME. IT IS WHAT THE SCENE IS ABOUT. THEIR ATTEMPT TO GET THIS NEED MET WILL LEAD, AT THE END OF THE SCENE,TO FAILURE - THIS IS HOW THE SCENE IS OVER. IT, THIS FAILURE, WILL, THEN, OF NECESSITY, PROPEL US INTO THE NEXT SCENE.

ALL THESE ATTEMPTS, TAKEN TOGETHER, WILL, OVER THE COURSE OF THE EPISODE, CONSTITUTE THE PLOT.

ANY SCENE, THUS, WHICH DOES NOT BOTH ADVANCE THE PLOT, AND STANDALONE (THAT IS, DRAMATICALLY, BY ITSELF, ON ITS OWN MERITS) IS EITHER SUPERFLUOUS, OR INCORRECTLY WRITTEN.

YES BUT YES BUT YES BUT, YOU SAY: WHAT ABOUT THE NECESSITY OF WRITING IN ALL THAT “INFORMATION?”

AND I RESPOND “FIGURE IT OUT” ANY DICKHEAD WITH A BLUESUIT CAN BE (AND IS) TAUGHT TO SAY “MAKE IT CLEARER”, AND “I WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT HIM”.

WHEN YOU’VE MADE IT SO CLEAR THAT EVEN THIS BLUESUITED PENGUIN IS HAPPY, BOTH YOU AND HE OR SHE WILL BE OUT OF A JOB.

THE JOB OF THE DRAMATIST IS TO MAKE THE AUDIENCE WONDER WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. NOT TO EXPLAIN TO THEM WHAT JUST HAPPENED, OR TO*SUGGEST* TO THEM WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

ANY DICKHEAD, AS ABOVE, CAN WRITE, “BUT, JIM, IF WE DON’T ASSASSINATE THE PRIME MINISTER IN THE NEXT SCENE, ALL EUROPE WILL BE ENGULFED IN FLAME”

WE ARE NOT GETTING PAID TO REALIZE THAT THE AUDIENCE NEEDS THIS INFORMATION TO UNDERSTAND THE NEXT SCENE, BUT TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO WRITE THE SCENE BEFORE US SUCH THAT THE AUDIENCE WILL BE INTERESTED IN WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

YES BUT, YES BUT YES BUT YOU REITERATE.

AND I RESPOND FIGURE IT OUT.

HOW DOES ONE STRIKE THE BALANCE BETWEEN WITHHOLDING AND VOUCHSAFING INFORMATION? THAT IS THE ESSENTIAL TASK OF THE DRAMATIST. AND THE ABILITY TO DO THAT IS WHAT SEPARATES YOU FROM THE LESSER SPECIES IN THEIR BLUE SUITS.

FIGURE IT OUT.

START, EVERY TIME, WITH THIS INVIOLABLE RULE: THE SCENE MUST BE DRAMATIC. it must start because the hero HAS A PROBLEM, AND IT MUST CULMINATE WITH THE HERO FINDING HIM OR HERSELF EITHER THWARTED OR EDUCATED THAT ANOTHER WAY EXISTS.

LOOK AT YOUR LOG LINES. ANY LOGLINE READING “BOB AND SUE DISCUSS…” IS NOT DESCRIBING A DRAMATIC SCENE.

PLEASE NOTE THAT OUR OUTLINES ARE, GENERALLY, SPECTACULAR. THE DRAMA FLOWS OUT BETWEEN THE OUTLINE AND THE FIRST DRAFT.

THINK LIKE A FILMMAKER RATHER THAN A FUNCTIONARY, BECAUSE, IN TRUTH, YOU ARE MAKING THE FILM. WHAT YOU WRITE, THEY WILL SHOOT.

HERE ARE THE DANGER SIGNALS. ANY TIME TWO CHARACTERS ARE TALKING ABOUT A THIRD, THE SCENE IS A CROCK OF SHIT.

ANY TIME ANY CHARACTER IS SAYING TO ANOTHER “AS YOU KNOW”, THAT IS, TELLING ANOTHER CHARACTER WHAT YOU, THE WRITER, NEED THE AUDIENCE TO KNOW, THE SCENE IS A CROCK OF SHIT.

DO NOT WRITE A CROCK OF SHIT. WRITE A RIPPING THREE, FOUR, SEVEN MINUTE SCENE WHICH MOVES THE STORY ALONG, AND YOU CAN, VERY SOON, BUY A HOUSE IN BEL AIR AND HIRE SOMEONE TO LIVE THERE FOR YOU.

REMEMBER YOU ARE WRITING FOR A VISUAL MEDIUM. MOST TELEVISION WRITING, OURS INCLUDED, SOUNDS LIKE RADIO. THE CAMERA CAN DO THE EXPLAINING FOR YOU. LET IT. WHAT ARE THE CHARACTERS DOING -*LITERALLY*. WHAT ARE THEY HANDLING, WHAT ARE THEY READING. WHAT ARE THEY WATCHING ON TELEVISION, WHAT ARE THEY SEEING.

IF YOU PRETEND THE CHARACTERS CANT SPEAK, AND WRITE A SILENT MOVIE, YOU WILL BE WRITING GREAT DRAMA.

IF YOU DEPRIVE YOURSELF OF THE CRUTCH OF NARRATION, EXPOSITION,INDEED, OF SPEECH. YOU WILL BE FORGED TO WORK IN A NEW MEDIUM - TELLING THE STORY IN PICTURES (ALSO KNOWN AS SCREENWRITING)

THIS IS A NEW SKILL. NO ONE DOES IT NATURALLY. YOU CAN TRAIN YOURSELVES TO DO IT, BUT YOU NEED TO START.

I CLOSE WITH THE ONE THOUGHT: LOOK AT THE SCENE AND ASK YOURSELF “IS IT DRAMATIC? IS IT ESSENTIAL? DOES IT ADVANCE THE PLOT?

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY.

IF THE ANSWER IS “NO” WRITE IT AGAIN OR THROW IT OUT. IF YOU’VE GOT ANY QUESTIONS, CALL ME UP.

LOVE, DAVE MAMET
SANTA MONICA 19 OCTO 05

(IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO KNOW THE ANSWERS, BUT IT IS YOUR, AND MY, RESPONSIBILITY TO KNOW AND TO ASK THE RIGHT Questions OVER AND OVER. UNTIL IT BECOMES SECOND NATURE. I BELIEVE THEY ARE LISTED ABOVE.)”

Hey readers,

Okay, I know it's a little late in the game to try to re brand my writing advice posts, but that's just what I'm gonna do.  From now on, my writing tips will be known as the "Weekly Writing Tips."  I'm not sure if that means there will be one a week or two a week or even three if I'm feeling particularly frisky, but I'm feeling good about this name change thing, so let's just go with it. 

Let's get to the tip: 

"The journey is the inn." 

Supposedly, that quote comes from Chaucer, but I first read it in a book by John Wooden.  What's that?  You haven't heard of John Wooden?  Okay, basically John Wooden is like a cross between Yoda, the coach from Hoosiers, and your favorite grandpa.  In short, the most awesome person in the universe. 

When he says "the journey is the inn," he means that the process is more important than the destination.  Like, the trip to the hotel should be a lot more fun/memorable/neat than getting to the hotel itself. 

It sounds a little crazy, and every car ride I've had to an Embassy Suites would say differently (author's note: goddamn the Embassy Suites are awesome.  And they don't even sponsor me, so you know I'm telling the truth), but let's look at this in terms of writing. 

When I was first starting out as a writer, I spent quite a bit of time imagining how awesome it would be to have my book out in stores and go to fancy writer parties and tell all my old English teachers who gave me a C to suck it. 

This was a pretty fun time, but unfortunately, thinking about a book being in a store doesn't actually get the book in the store.  Nope, I had to write the sucker. 

So, I wrote it.  And it wasn't always fun, but goddamn it was fulfilling.  I struggled, I sat a lot, I drank an unhealthy amount of coffee, I lied to people who asked me what I was doing for a living (author's note: next to the beard, and jacket with leather patches over the elbows, personal shame is the writer's most common accessory) but eventually I finished the book. 

Then some other stuff happened, and the book got bought and even found its way into a few stores.  I even got invited to a fancy writer party or two. 

But when I actually got to the store and found the book on the shelves, something surprising happened:  it was just okay. 

Like, I was happy to see it there, and it was nice to have a few coins jingling around in my pocket (author's note: literally) but it was a hell of a lot less exhilarating than I thought it would be.  Back before I started the book, I imagined seeing the book on the shelves would be the highlight of my life.  Like, I would get bathed in white light and I'd start levitating and groupies would start playing harps or something like that. 

But it wasn't quite that cool.  And maybe I just haven't found the right groupies (author's note: or any groupies.  Goddamn I wish somebody made that clear before I started writing) but I'm pretty sure it's never going to be that cool. 

But when I look back on the last few years, the most satisfying moments haven't been going to writerly parties or doing readings or signing books.  No, the most satisfying moments have been when I was writing. 

So here's the thing, guys.  If you've been struggling with writing, and you're looking forward to some big, awesome, payoff at the end that is going to make all the time you've spent clicking keys worthwhile...well, this is a good news/bad news situation. 

The bad news: this is as good as it's going to get. 

The good news:  this is as good as it's going to get. 

Try to enjoy the process of writing.  Sure, it sucks occasionally and it's a struggle every now and again, but then again, so is anything else worth doing doing. 

Of course, if I ever get a multi-million dollar advance and can finally afford a jet ski and/or mural of myself as a dolphin, I imagine my perspective on what "the best part of writing is" will radically change.  But in the meantime, let's just focus on writing for the joy of writing...and the possibility of "writer groupies," wherever they may be.   

Hey readers,

Two questions I deal with quite a bit when I do author appearances: 

1.  Do you know Stephanie Meyer? 

And...

2.  Where do you get your ideas? 

Let's focus on question #2 for right now. 

Where do ideas come from? 

To be honest, I really don't know for sure where my ideas come from.  I like to think that a big part of it is just me being really smart and creative (author's note: and humble) but that can't be all of it.

Now, like I said, I don't know for sure where my ideas come from, but the longer I do this, the more I'm leaning toward a theory...

My theory:  the crazy crap we do, see, and hear about throughout our lives sticks to us, and if you can filter it right, this turns into creativity somehow.  And for some reason, the crazy crap that we're surrounded by during our childhood seems to stick a lot harder. 

Yeah, I need to work on that a bit before I can spin it into a self-help book, but I still think that the theory is sound.  Whenever I'm stuck for ideas or characters or locations, my mind always goes back to my hometown.  And lucky for me, my hometown is pretty entertainingly insane. 

How entertainingly insane you ask?  Allow me to demonstrate. 

The following are ACTUAL police calls from my hometown during the last few weeks.  Check out the News of Record in the Union Democrat if you want to see some more. 

6:54 p.m., Big Oak Flat — A woman reported her “tie-dye-jerky” signs vandalized in Big Oak Flat.

5:50 p.m., duck call — A person called to report a duck in the middle of the road. The caller said the duck could not fly and had attempted to shoo the bird off the road. Police responded, only to find the duck could, in fact fly. Officers were unable to capture the duck.

7:47 p.m., East Sonora — A caller said an intoxicated employee was inside a business and refusing to leave. While a deputy was there, the manager arrived, also intoxicated, but in better condition. The first reportedly intoxicated employee was picked up by family members, and a cab was called for the manager.

10:28 a.m., self-starters — An apartment manager reported that tenants had removed a smelly carpet without consent on the 600 block of Copello Drive.

11:06 a.m., lazy dogs — A person reported that dogs repeatedly chased cars at Bret Harte Road and Booster Way. The offending dogs failed to chase the police car that investigated

4:09 p.m., suspicious circumstances — A man on a horse was lectured about panhandling on the 1000 block of Mono Way.

4:01 p.m., Sonora — A woman went to the Sheriff's Office asking that DNA testing be done on a single hair she found attached to duct tape on her car. She said she uses the tape to cover damage caused when she hit a deer, and someone keeps pulling the tape back. She was told no DNA testing would be done and left.

7:40 a.m., Phoenix Lake area — A person on the 21800 block of Montgomery Road reported that a neighbor's horse had fallen into the pool and couldn't get out. Fortunately, the horse was in the shallow end.

3:01 a.m., Twain Harte — A woman hired to dance at a bachelor party was thrown out of a residence by the bachelor’s girlfriend. Deputies assisted her in finding a hotel room for the night after picking her up at Marquis Drive and Twain Harte Drive.

My advice:  When you get stuck for inspiration, think back on your childhood and where you grew up.  Chances are there's some gems in there. 

My advice #2:  Don't panhandle while on horseback as law enforcement takes a dim view.