The Ben Esch Website

Hey readers,

So, for those of you who don't know, there is no greater friend of benjaminesch.com and Sophomore Undercover in the entire blogosphere than the Murph Blog.  Mr. Murph has been super cool about promoting the book for the past few months, and he was kind enough to run an interview with yours truly over on his blog the other day. 

And once your done reading the interview, you guys should definitely check out the rest of Murph's blog to read up on his deep thoughts about chocolate milk and Billy Joel and the like. 

And he also has a picture of me on his front page with a faux hawk.  So, that alone should be worth the price of admission. 

The link to the interview is here.  Give it a click. 

Subjects that are broached in the interview: 

1.  Why I don't have a real job. 
2.  Sexy vampires vs. Sexy werewolves. 
3.  Jedi Mind powers. 
4.  Dawson's Creek

Hey readers,

So, I know that there are a lot of really exciting movies coming out this summer--Star Trek, Harry Potter, Transformers, Terminator--you know, I was gonna list some more, but I'm just gonna go ahead and take a break and reflect back on that list for a second.  Holy crap there are going to be some awesome movies coming out this summer.  I saw Star Trek last week, and if you think I wasn't joy crying through the entire act 3, well then, I guess you don't really know much about me and my propensity for joy crying. 

But let's try a little something else tonight.  Let's take a look at some of the movies that are flying a little bit under the radar. 

I am talking, of course, about the coming of age family/dramedy with monsters Gooby. 

Here's the trailer. 

Hey readers,

So, I've been reading quite a bit of the Twilight series the last couple of days (author's note: leave me alone.  Seriously.  Don't make fun of me about this.  It's a cultural phenomenon) and this has caused me to ask myself quite a few questions: 

Question:  Edward or Jacob. 

Answer:  I'm gonna go ahead and pick the douchey kid who works at the camping store.  Don't get me wrong, he isn't as dreamy as either Jacob or Edward, but I think the greater stability of not being a goddamn vampire or werewolf would nudge him up in my eyes eventually.  I mean, you have to consider the long haul when you get in a serious relationship like that.   

Question:  What would you want your super special vampire super power to be if you got turned into a vampire? 

Answer:  I've thought about this quite a bit, and here's what I've come up with: 

1.  Ability to fly. 

Since I was a kid, the scariest animal I could ever imagine was a flying bear.  And Twilight made it pretty clear that vampires > bears in the fighting department, and throw in the soulful eyes and flawless bone structure and...well, yeah, I'm still more scared of the flying bear.  Being able to fly would still be pretty neat, though. 

2.  Non sparkly skin reaction to the sun. 

Because that would be a major pain in the ass.  Don't get me wrong, I like bedazzled stuff as much as the next guy (author's note: guys like bedazzled stuff, right?) but that's more of a "sometimes" thing. 

I mean, I guess this wouldn't be so much of a problem for me, seeing as a I spend most of the hours of sunlight crouched over my laptop like a troll, but for a person with a normal relationship to daylight hours, I could see this turning into a bit of a hassle. 

Man...I really need to get outside more often. 

3.  Knife throwing ability. 

Because what would be scarier than just a regular vampire?  How about a vampire that throws knives.  Bam! 

Okay, I'm gonna go off on a little theory that doesn't really strictly tie to Twlight, so read at your leisure: 

My theory:  I've never really tested this out or whatever, but I think I could get hit with a throwing knife or two before I would die.  Like, in the movies, you see somebody take a knife to the back and then they groan and topple forward into a lump of death, but the reality has to be a little bit different than that right?  I mean, I'm pretty sure you would groan and thrash around on the ground for a while. 

And call me crazy, but I think that it has to be the same way with a bow and arrow.  It has to take more than one arrow to take down a guy, right?  Like, I watched Red Dawn the other day (author's note: sweet holy damn that movie was amazing.  I had almost forgotten how scared I used to be of Russians) and this huge Commando dude gets taken out by a single arrow that the chick from Dirty Dancing shot at him.  How is that even possible?  I mean, I'm sure it would hurt and stuff, but a mortal wound?  She didn't even shoot him in the neck. 

Red Dawn was still plenty awesome, but you hate to see that kind of inconsistency in the plot. 

End of theory. 

Okay, I'm off to finish the third Twilight book.  If any of you guys have any vampire abilities you'd like to contribute to the wishlist, please add them in the comments.  If they're good enough, I'll most likely steal them to use for my own story about romantic vampires and the women who love them. 

Author's note to editor:  Yes, this is totally going to happen. 

Hey readers,

So I did a podcast with Daniel and Dave over at 12345678mambo.  Why don't you give it a listen?  I start talking about fifteen minutes in or so, but if you feel like hearing a couple of fine Canadian fellows discussing interesting things, you can listen to all of it. 

The podcast is here. 

Here is Adam with a copy of Sophomore Undercover that he bought from Copperfield's Books in Rohnert Park

Some thoughts: 

1.  Adam, many people attempt the smiling with a thumbs up to the camera look, but few approach the sheer amount of gravitas that you have produced in this picture.  My hat is off to you, good sir. 

2.  I'm loving those shades. 

3.  Yes, that is the same Adam who is a member of folk-rock super group, Pickles and Relish.  

Hey readers,

I just turned 27 a few weeks ago, and I'm beginning to suspect that I'm not going to age particularly gracefully.  I'm not sure when I came to this conclusion--maybe after I counted through today's daily caloric intake and realizing that 90% was comprised of breakfast cereal or perhaps yesterday night when I twisted my ankle while walking on a smooth, level sidewalk--but getting older isn't all aches and pains and feeling awkward and out of touch while watching MTV. 

No, there are a few benefits. 

Like, I'm pretty sure I can rent a car now without any extra fees, and that's nice. 

But it's more than that--I get to watch crappy movies from my childhood with the full benefit of 27 years of wisdom and life experience. 

For example, when I was 8 or so, I have a pretty solid memory of going to the movie theater to watch "Mac and Me." 

What I remember about Mac and Me:  A cute alien comes back to Earth and makes friends with a blond they have adventures.  The alien drinks some Coke...wait, did I mention that the aliens got their food from sticking straws into the ground and sucking back ground juice?  Because I'm pretty sure that happened. 

Uhh...they have some adventures.  Learn some lessons about friendship.  Everybody lives happily ever after. 

Then I rented the movie again last night. 

And sweet holy crap was this thing trippy. 

Current Reflections on Mac and Me:  Holy shit that alien is creepy!  Nobody seems that scared that a bunch of monsters are staggering around the city and stealing people's soda.  I mean, I'd get pretty weirded out if a regular person yanked a Coke out of my hands, but if it was a creepy ass alien that was doing the yanking?  Well, first of all, I would be pretty well outside of the alien's grasping range, but still...how could people be so non-chalant about all this alien stuff? 

And then there's the dance routine at the McDonald's. 

Yes, there was completely a dance routine at the McDonald's. 

With break dancers and a bunch of old guys in football uniforms. 

Maybe I should just show it to you guys...I really don't think I have a strong enough grasp of the English language to adequately describe what happened at the McDonalds. 
 

Being an adult is awesome! 

Hey readers,

So, I recently joined the social networking phenomenon "twitter" and maybe I was a little late for the bandwagon, or my writing doesn't really translate well to the 140 character nugget format that they impose over there, because it hasn't really taken. 

Question:  How many people are following you on Twitter? 

Answer:  39. 

Question:  Isn't that kinda embarrassing for somebody who is trying to cultivate an internet personality? 

Answer:  Most definitely.

I haven't felt like this much of a social outcast since my Freshman year of high school, so if you want to help make sure that I won't have to hang out in the library playing Magic with the weird kids and foreign exchange students (author's note: we're still sticking with the high school analogy here) why don't you give me an add on the twitter.

Thanks guys!