The Ben Esch Website

And basic humanity tip: don't be a douche bag like this lady.

The carnage starts up in the comments, and if you have a few minutes and would like a laugh, I suggest you click through the 300 or so comments.  It gets weird. 

For all my writer-readers or potential writer-readers or just readers who don't want to find themselves in a quagmire of online controversy, never, ever ever respond to a bad review online.  That is simply a bear that should not be poked. 

Do like I do, listen to The Cure and eat Sun Chips until the pain goes away. 

Authors note:  Why won't you love me Kirkus?  Why!   

This clip from Steven Segal's "Hard to Kill" sums up my online presence: 

Steven Segal takes pictures of shady dudes in hats:  The early, promising start to my blogging career.  I have some funny posts, commission the finest animators in all of India to make me a video game, and have an unprecedented spike in comments for my cat joke contest video.  Things couldn't be better. 

Steven Segal gets shot by a bunch of dudes while wearing a tuxedo vest:  Six months into the blog experiment, I get super lazy and only post once a week.  Also, those posts are unbelievably shitty.  I start posting videos of french people dancing to Star Wars music without any commentary.  Basically, this blog becomes terrible. 

Steven Segal's funeral:  For the past nine months, I don't post a single thing.  Tens of fans fear that benjaminesch.com will disappear forever. 

But then hope returns...

Steven Segal in a track suit punching things and shooting guns:  Sometime very soon, this blog returns from the dead and starts kicking the internet in the dick.  And in the words of the great Segal, "I'm gonna take you to the bank, (evil) Senator Trent...the blood bank!  

So, here's me saying that the blog is coming back from the coma.  Sure, we got shot by some guys with bags over their heads and we've appeared dead for way too long, our blogging limbs have atrophied, and we have grown a weird coma beard, but we shall return...and after a montage of punching a board and swinging a bo staff around and meditating with smoking needles sticking out of our doughy chest, we will be ready to provide excellence to you, the reader, once again. 

And you can take that to the bank...the fun bank. 

Ben Esch

P.S

If you want to hear some people singing about how strange it was when (spoiler alert) Steven Segal died in the first act of Executive Decision, please watch this video...