The Ben Esch Website

Hey readers,

So, the last few weeks haven't been particularly kind to celebrities, and I know it's been a few weeks ago, and the Michael Jackson thing kinda stole his thunder, but I'd like to turn out attention back to Ed McMahon.  Specifically, his stellar work as the host of "Legends of the Superheroes." 

You may have noticed the "" around Irons up there.  And I'm sure you are equal parts baffled and titillated by that nonstandard punctuation.  Well, prepare for your titillation to get blasted into full blown amazement. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you, an original piece of art from the LOL Brother: 

Many Irons in the Fire

Hey readers,

So, quick reminder…me and the Los Angeles writing super group the LAYAS (Author's note: just think of us like Crosby, Stills, and Nash…just with more words and less goddamn dirty hippies) are going to be presenting at Vroman’s bookstore in Pasadena this Saturday.  All the info is here. 

And without further ado

Tricycle accidents

(Author’s note: I’m pretty sure that the all the kids in these videos turned out okay.  I mean, they’re pretty low to the ground already, and I don’t think those tricycles go very fast, so yeah…those kids are totally fine.  Don't feel guilty about laughing.  Seriously.  This is a no-judgment enviro)

Hey readers, 

Here are some of the things that are going to happen at Vroman’s Bookstore in Pasadena this Saturday: 

Things that are going to happen on Saturday

1.  Free pizza.

Yes.  Totally free.  I mean, I don’t know if this is going to be free pizza like, eat pizza until you feel bad about yourself and really think about getting your membership renewed at the 24 Hour Fitness type free pizza, but I’m pretty sure that you’ll be able to scam a slice or two.  And that alone is worth the price of admission. 

2.  Me.   

I will be there.  Granted, not as exciting as the free pizza, but if you’re looking for somebody to talk to about A) free pizza, B) book stuff, or C) how I made eye contact with the guy who plays Spock in the new Star Trek when I was jogging one time, well, this is your lucky chance. 

But I’m not going to be by myself.  Oh no.  This is a fully sanctioned LAYA event. 

Okay, maybe should stop here and explain a few things. 

Question: What is  LAYA? 

Answer:  The Los Angeles Young Adult Writers = exactly what it sounds like. 

Question:  So are you guys like a motorcycle gang or something? 

Answer:  Well, we don’t have any official colors or anything, but yeah, take out the motorcycles, and that’s pretty much right. 

And the LAYAS are gonna be out in full force on Saturday.  

THE LAYA POWER LIST
Lisa Yee   
Kerry Madden   
Cecil Castellucci
Jonathan Bernstein
Michael Reisman
Amy Goldman Koss 
Mark London Williams
Sonya Sones
Jordanna Fraiberg
Ben Esch
Heather Tomlinson
Cherry Cheeva
Sally Nemeth
Alexa Young
Anna Hays
Sasha Watson
Blake Nelson
Cylin Busby
Ron Koertge

All those people have websites, but I'm way, way too lazy to link to every single one of them.  So, take it from me, all of them are awesome and write neat books that you should buy.   

Okay, let’s get back to the other things that are gonna happen on Saturday: 

Things that are gonna happen on Saturday (continued)

3.  LAYAPALOOZA  

I’m still not entirely sure what that means, but I’ve been assured that it’s something pretty special.  Also, I think I’m going to sing or something. 

So, if you’re interested in free pizza, pleasant chit chat with writerly types, hearing me sing, and the entertainment explosion that is LAYAPALOOZA, I suggest that you head over to Vroman’s Bookstore on Saturday to check it out. 

Click HERE to get all the party info. 

Hey readers,

So a few weeks ago, I did a reading over at Capuchino High School in San Francisco, and the school news department put together a nice little video of the goings on. 

The link to the video is here.   

I think you should watch this video, and here are some further reasons to sweeten the pot. 

More reasons to watch the video

1. I’m wearing a particularly awesome sweater.

2.  You get to see what I look like when I wake up at six in the morning (author’s note: it’s not particularly good). 

3.  They weave in some surprisingly tasty jazz instrumentals over the intro. 

4.  You get to see a demonstration of my very expressive hand gestures whilst reading. 

5.  I think the star pattern in my sweater really brings out my eyes. 

And lastly, but not leastly

6.  The awed, almost Beatlemania’esque reaction of the kids during the “What did you think of Sophomore Undercover” section of the video. 

Thanks for giving the video a click.  I promise that I won't let fame go to my head. 

Question: Why didn’t you just embed the video on your website. 

Answer:  Because I was too busy playing Minesweeper in high school to learn any useful computer skills.

Author's note: Minesweeper kicks ass.   

Hey readers,

So, as many of you know, one of my new favorite hobbies is to Google my name, and again, as many of you know, I am a hundred percent aware of how sad this is.  Moving on...

Much to my surprise, on Amazon, Sophomore Undercover is currently being bundled on the "Frequently Bought With"...

Twilight, 2 disc Special Edition

I have a few thoughts about this: 

My thoughts about this

1.  What the eff? 
2.  $30.46 sounds like a helluva bargain for the combined entertainment explosion of my book and the Twilight movie. 
3.  Seriously, you get the humor with my book, and the romantic vampire action with the movie...and I'm pretty sure that pretty much covers a hundred percent of the world's entertainment needs.    
4.  That Robert Pattinson sure is dreamy. 
5.  Disregard #4.     

So, if any of you guys have bought both my book and the Twilight movie, please let me know so I can personally thank you.  It's about time that me and Stephanie Meyer started working together.  We're like the peanut butter and jelly of making people happy with words. 

MORE STUFF

I think my book is a buck or so more expensive on Amazon.  And while this is probably good for me, if any of you guys have been on the fence about getting a book, I'd suggest that you get off that particular fence before the price gets any higher.

Because I want you to have that extra dollar. 

Because I love you. 

Hey readers,

So, I've been doing quite a bit of driving the past few weeks to do talks and sign books and stuff.  And that has been cool and all, but I've had quite a bit of dead time to fill when I'm driving up and down the state. 

I've tried to be productive with my time by dictating a novel into a tape recorder, but there have been a couple problems with that. 

Problems with dictating a novel into a tape recorder

1.  It's really, really hard. 
2.  I say, "Umm..." more than any normal human should. 
3.  I end up spending most of my time working on my George Takei and Charleston Heston impressions (author's note: my Heston still needs some work). 

So, since being productive is pretty much off the table, and my enjoyment of Latin ballads dissipates a bit after the first three hours, I've found a new way to entertain myself while driving. 

The Adam Carolla Podcast

Over the past few weeks, I've probably spent about twenty hours listening to Adam talk about stuff, and if you feel like you deserve a few chuckles, I advise that you give him a listen as well. 

Also, maybe if I direct enough traffic his way, he might ask me to be a guest on the show.  Wait...no, I don't even dare to dream it.  Okay, forget about me getting on the podcast, just listen for your own enjoyment.

OTHER NEWS

I'm still super serious about getting a podcast started for this blog.  My mac has currently gone into a coma (author's note: that might not be the technical term) so until I sell enough books to afford a trip to the Apple Store, we're gonna have to hold off on any technological advances. 

STILL MORE NEWS

Did you notice that bit up there where I talked about needing to sell books to afford to fix my computer?  That's called a guilt trip.  I just wanted everyone to be on the same page with that. 

Please buy my book.  Sorry to come off desperate, but I just think it's important that we as a society support our artists.  And by artists, I mean me.  And by support, I mean, I want to buy some rims for my Toyota.  Thank you.        

EVEN MORE NEWS

Has anyone here read "Sophomore Undercover" and liked it?  Or did you read it, and not like it, but are cool with lying and want to help me out? 

Well then, how about posting a review on Amazon?  All the cool kids are doing it.  And by cool kids, I am of course referring to Paul Michael Murphy. 

Point.  Kanye West said, "Sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed. I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book's autograph. I am a proud non-reader of books."