The Ben Esch Website

Hey readers,

Well, it's been another great year here at benjaminesch.com and I wanted to wish all of you guys some happy holidays and so forth.  Personally, I have spent the day playing golf and eating nachos, and I really like to think that's what Christmas is all about. 

I hope you guys have a great day, and as a special gift from all of me to all of you, here is a video of my brother doing his Charleston Heston/George Takei/George McFly impression. 

Did you watch the whole video?  Because he does an alarmingly good George Takei impression there at the end.  Brilliant. 

That's me in the background by the way.  The technical term for me is "multi-talented." 

And while we're on the subject of talented people, Kevin Spacey is pretty good at impressions too. 

 
So, I just heard that Kirkus Reviews went out of business.  I have some conflicted feelings about this.  I mean, it’s no real secret that Kirkus didn’t really like my book.  Make that they hated my book.  A lot.  Kirkus pretty much kicked me in the balls with their review of Sophomore Undercover. 

But I’m still sad that they aren’t around anymore.  To me, Kirkus Reviews was like an alcoholic, abusive uncle.  Sure, he was going to call me a fat sissy, and backhand me if the beer I brought him was too warm, but he was still family, and godammit, I wanted him to love me.  Or at least like me…a little bit.

But that isn’t going to happen.  Because Kirkus Reviews just drank himself into a stupor on moonshine, stumbled into the well and drowned (author’s note: I’m still using the drunk uncle analogy here). 
  
So, rest in peace, Kirkus Reviews.  You were a crotch kicker without compare. 

Hey readers,

Okay, okay...I know it's been over two weeks since I last posted something, and I know that's the blogger equivalent of dropping a turd in the punch bowl.  So, first of all, sorry for that.  Nobody likes a turd in the punch bowl.  It makes the whole internet party a lot less fun for everybody. 

Anyway, I think benjaminesch.com can go in one of two directions at this point: 

Direction A:  I post something half ass about once every fourteen weeks. 

Direction B: I get my crap together and start delivering some wittiness. 

The lazy part of me is liking the looks of Direction A right now, but godammit, I'm still paying the fine folks at weebly.com five bucks a month for this website, and I refuse to waste that kind of investment.  I mean, I can buy a cold cut trio from Subway with that cash. 

So, lets go with Direction B for a while. 

And to celebrate my personal recommitment to blogging, here's a video of that freaky stomach mutant from Total Recall singing "In Your Eyes."