Is it just me, or is that intro rap song kick ass?  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the rapper wasn't really too proud about the gig or whatever, but this was the early 90's--singing embarassing corporate jingles was one of the only ways a hardworking rapper could make a living.  Oh, the early 90's...It was a simpler time back then.  Vanilla Ice was on top of the charts, rappers hadn't turned scary and started shooting each other, and advertisers were still convinced that the best way to sell a product, any product, was by laying down some really awkward rap. 

For example, who remembers the Adams Family movie?  Really?  Who remembers the MC Hammer song they used to promote it? 

Or this Vanilla Ice gem from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: 

And who could forget this timeless classic from Tag Team:

A few thoughts after watching this video: 

1.  One of the producers for the Addams Family really had a thing for making struggling rappers lose their dignity. 
2.  The dance that Vanilla Ice is doing at the beginning of his video made me feel pretty uncomfortable.  Like, "my left arm is tingling, dear Christ I might be having a stroke" uncomfortable.  I must have blocked this from my memory when I first saw this movie in the theater. 
3.  Evidently, rappers couldn't turn down these gigs back in the early nineties.  And that makes me kinda sad for some reason.  Don't get me wrong, if somebody paid me enough money, I would totally sell out and change my book around to promote an Addams Family sequel (author's note to movie producers:  I wouldn't even charge you that much.  Please, somebody pay me.  I'm sick of eating off the dollar menu at El Pollo Loco) but it just bums me out to see an artist sell out their craft like that.  Even Vanilla Ice. 

God, I'm depressed. 

Hopefully Super Mario will make me feel better: 

Wait a minute...could it be...but I've been doing that dance for years.  Oh my god!  That explains so much!  I've been "doing the Mario" in bars and clubs since I was 18.  It's the only dance I know. 

And in case you're wondering, girls don't particularly like it when you "do the mario."  No matter how much expensive body spray you're wearing.    

This goddamn show has ruined my sense of rhythm.  It all makes sense now.  The Super Mario Brothers Super Fun show is the reason why I'm all alone...

I feel so dirty. 

Only one thing could possibly cheer me up now: 

Ahh...old cartoons set to Evanescence.  You make the world a little less empty. 

katie d.
12/14/2008 06:56:16 am

dear ben,
i know you posted this addams family thing like a month ago, but my computer's been broken so, yeah.
when i was in fifth grade i was in a mardi gras krewe where i had to dress up as a lady of the court of camelot. it's a big thing in louisiana, and the krewes are mostly for adults, but the krewe of camelot is just for kids. it's an event where there are lots of people in the audience and they watch kids get introduced and paraded around on a stage. part of this involved a procession of knights and ladies which ended in a formal like dance and then. oh god. a dance choreographed by one of the kid's mothers to this mc hammer song. at the end we had to 'freestyle' dance and thus ended the worst night of my life.

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